Swim : 11:11 PM

I'm not really sure what happened. I was fine all day. I was on the couch watching tv and my eyes went weird.  It's hard to explain but it's like I blinked but my eyes were open the whole time. So that brought on the cool chill that always tells me it's about to happen.

Swim is about to come out and terrify me.

Shaking, rapid heart beat.... can't stop biting my lip now. Maybe it will go away soon. Ugh. Just. Ugh.

Robyn : 9:35 PM

Took a Xanax just to be sure I sleep well. Felt slightly anxious and have a headache. Going to crawl in bed with my loves and hopefully get some good rest. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Robyn : 4:46 PM

I've been really busy today. And I've felt really great and NORMAL today. I guess the real test will be when it's time to sleep if Swim doesn't come out before then. But let's not be negative. I'm going to enjoy this "normalness" while it lasts.

Robyn : 3:22 PM

I'm sort of impressed with myself today. I was feeling a little like Swim wanted to come out but I managed to focus on other things. I moved and cleaned the kids room which probably wasn't a good idea, but the pain meds keep the pain away so at the time I felt like I could do it. So, so far so good.

Robyn

Robyn : 7:32 PM

Swim really is trying to come out tonight. I was fine all day, Pruned the kids clothes of what they can't wear anymore and organized their room. I don't know what triggered it exactly but then again I never know. I don't like showers. I don't know why those seem to make me anxious but I just got in and got out as quickly as I could. I had to take a xanax before that though. So hopefully soon the anxious feelings and thoughts we settle down and I can enjoy the rest of the night.

That's the thing I hate the most. I can't enjoy things that normally people don't even notice. I couldn't enjoy getting up to get Hannah ready for her first day of school. I can't enjoy the fact that all the clothes are nice and organized. I can't enjoy the fact that Fen is happily hanging out with me in the corner of the living room where I set him up his own space.

Go away tight chest.
Go away racing thoughts.

Robyn

Swim : 10:50 PM

So I thought my stomach was going to start up again. Every time I have to use the restroom, it seems like my whole neck starts to throb and hurt worse. Which makes me wonder if it's a sprained neck or do I have a blood clot or something that hurts more when my heart beats faster. Then it feels like my head is just going to explode. It doesn't hurt. I just feel a lot of pressure around my neck. My ears also felt really warm. I haven't gone into an attack yet... but this is how they get started. These insane thoughts of mine that probably seem pretty silly to someone else.

I hope that I can get more followers for when these episodes happen. That way maybe I can be calmed by comments telling me I'm ok, or that I'm being prayed for. It helps to hear from other people.

I took my pain medication so maybe if my neck stops throbbing, I'll start to feel more relaxed.

Swim

Robyn : August 25, 2013

Feeling ok today. I had to go to urgent care yesterday due to a sprained neck. I didn't even know that you could sprain your neck. I managed to get the house cleaned which will lower my anxiety a bit. The pain medication for my neck is making me so sleepy. I need to do some laundry and get Hannah ready for first grade tomorrow :( It goes by so fast.

These entries will hopefully be more articulate and insightful in the future, but I am exhausted so I'm going to rest a bit and then finish the clothes that I've dried three times already ;)

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